Ancestor Veneration: Building a Relationship With Your Ancestors

Ancestor reverence is a meaningful starting point for anyone interested in spirit work and divination. Before reaching outward toward unfamiliar spirits, many practitioners begin with the people whose lives, struggles, and stories helped shape their own.

In my personal experience, our elevated ancestors want what is best for their descendants. They know struggle and sacrifice. Many spent their lives trying to make things a little easier for the generations that would follow them.

When I speak of elevated ancestors, I mean ancestors who are spiritually well, benevolent, and capable of offering loving guidance. Being related to someone does not automatically make them wise or someone you want involved in your spiritual life. You are allowed to have boundaries with the dead, just as you do with the living.

What if my family is not healthy or I don't know them?

You can begin by calling upon or saying prayers to your loving, healed, elevated, and well-intentioned ancestors who wish you good. Not all your ancestors who show up to help you will be ones you knew, in fact, I don't have any recent ancestors that are elevated enough to work with, so my ancestral court consists of ancient ones or ones from a few generations back. This was confusing to me at first and a bit discouraging, as everyone seemed to be close to their family and had a great relationship with them on the other side. Keep in mind that some of those "not that great" ancestors can come in handy with some types of spell work, so don't discount them, you just might not want them in your space all the time.

Why Work With Your Ancestors?

Ancestor work deepens your connection to your family, your history, your culture, and parts of yourself you may not have understood before. Our families pass down more than physical traits: recipes, stories, beliefs about money, ways of handling conflict, survival strategies, strengths, and habits.

Some of these are things we want to carry forward. Others are patterns we decide should end with us. Working with your ancestry gives you an opportunity to ask: What deserves to be remembered? What do I want to carry forward? What am I ready to change?

The more you elevate your ancestors, which is to say prayers, give offerings and work with your ancestors, they get stronger and more evolved on the other side. The more evolved they get, the more they can help you out. 

Ancestors and Shadow Work

Shadow work involves exploring the parts of ourselves we avoid, repress, or have difficulty acknowledging. It can mean looking honestly at emotional triggers, resentment, shame, coping habits, relationship patterns, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

It isn't about deciding that everything hidden inside you is bad. Sometimes we learn to suppress parts of ourselves because they weren't accepted by our family or environment. Learning about our generational patterns helps us determine what is working for us and what we want to heal and change.

Bringing ancestor work into this process adds another question: Where did this pattern begin? Perhaps money was always associated with fear. Perhaps anger was never allowed to be expressed, love meant sacrifice, or everyone survived by refusing to talk about painful things.

Understanding where a pattern came from doesn't excuse harmful behaviour. It gives us more information and a chance to choose what we carry forward. For those who practise ancestor veneration, asking the ancestors for strength can become part of the work of changing a long-standing family pattern.

If you would like some structure for reflection, our Shadow Work Self-Reflection Deck offers guided prompts for exploring thoughts, behaviours, emotions, and recurring patterns.

Shadow work is not a replacement for therapy or professional mental-health care. If it brings up trauma, abuse, severe distress, or experiences that feel overwhelming, seek support from a qualified mental-health professional.

Building a Relationship With Your Ancestors

Ancestor work is a relationship, not simply a way of asking spirits for things. If you were close to an ancestor while they were alive, honouring them spiritually may feel natural. If you didn't know your ancestors, or your family relationships are complicated, you can still begin slowly and maintain your boundaries. If when you are tending to your altar, saying prayers or giving offerings you feel like something is off, tell the spirit to leave your space.

You probably wouldn't ask a stranger to become deeply involved in the most personal areas of your life. Spend some time building a relationship first. Creating an ancestor altar and spending five or ten minutes regularly tending it, remembering your ancestors, or speaking to them is a simple place to begin.

Consistency matters more than creating an elaborate ritual once and never returning to it.

Creating an Ancestor Altar

Your ancestor altar can be simple. You do not need expensive tools or an elaborate setup. Begin with what is meaningful to you: photographs of deceased loved ones, names written on paper, family heirlooms, flowers, a glass of fresh water, a candle, and a small dish for offerings.

Your ancestor altar is a separate from your working altar. I find that doing spell work on my ancestor altar isn't always the best choice, but you might be different, so do what your practice or elders tell you. I find if you are doing spell work, using a dedicated altar or space to a specific deity or spirit you are petitioning is best, and to use your ancestor alter for their veneration and petitions only. 

A plain white candle makes a lovely devotional light. Our 7 Day White Devotional Candle Refill - Tall is one option for a suitable reusable candle vessel. Always use an appropriate heat-resistant holder and never leave a burning candle unattended. I use these refills all the time on my ancestor altar.

As your relationship grows, your altar can grow with it. You might add jewellery, religious objects, handwritten letters, favourite foods, or small possessions that remind you of particular family members. Our Ritual & Altar Tools collection is a place to look for supplies when you want to build a dedicated space.

Your altar doesn't need to look like anyone else's. It should reflect your family and your practice.

What Do You Offer Your Ancestors?

Fresh water is an easy place to begin. You might also offer coffee, tea, food, white flowers, incense, or something a particular ancestor enjoyed during their lifetime. Choose offerings that suit the people you are honouring and the tradition you follow.

If Grandpa loved black coffee, pour him some coffee. If Grandma grew roses, bring her a rose. If your family shared a particular Sunday meal, place a small portion on the altar. Keep the space clean, refresh water, and remove food before it spoils.

Some practitioners burn Ancestor Money, also known as spirit money or joss paper, as an offering to the dead. These practices have distinct cultural histories, particularly in Chinese ancestral and religious traditions. Learn about the practice you are drawing from rather than treating spirit money as a universal requirement of ancestor work. If you burn paper offerings, use a fire-safe vessel in a safe, well-ventilated location away from combustible materials.

Florida Water can also be used for spiritual cleansing of suitable altar surfaces and tools, or as an offering where that fits your practice.

Florida Water is alcohol-based and highly flammable. Keep it and any offerings containing it away from flames. Allow cleaned surfaces to dry completely before lighting a candle, and do not apply it to a burning candle.

Spending Time at Your Ancestor Altar

I tend to my ancestor altar weekly, or whenever I see it might need a refresh. Refresh their water, leave an offering, and light your candle. I keep my candles burning on my altar constantly, and add fresh white flowers when possible. If you can't safely leave your candles burning, just light them when you are home or spending time at your altar. 

Tell your family what's happening in your life: your successes, your worries, or even the family gossip. You can pray, journal, paint, sit quietly, play music they loved, or read something aloud. You might simply drink your morning coffee while pouring them a little cup of their own.

At the beginning, acknowledge why you're there. You could say:

“This time is for my loving and elevated ancestors. I honour those who came before me, those who wish me well, and those who helped make my life possible. I pray that you are in peace and you have left your earthy woes behind.”

Then spend some time with them. Don't worry about having a dramatic spiritual experience. They know you are there, and as time goes on they might give you signs in the form of thoughts, visions, dreams etc. Things might work out easier, or maybe a situation in your life comes to an end and opens a better door. We don't always see the bigger picture, but our ancestors do, and will guide us along the way.

Making Ancestral Petitions

Once you have established a relationship, you may begin petitioning your ancestors for help. A petition paper can be as simple as your name, your intention, and a clearly written request.

Be specific. Instead of “Please help me,” you might write: “Please help me find stable employment that allows me to support myself and my family.”

Place the petition on your altar or beneath a suitable candle holder, away from the flame and heat. Speak your request aloud and accompany it with an appropriate offering of food, drink, flowers, or incense. Spirit money can be included if it belongs in your practice.

Prosperity work can feel particularly meaningful in ancestral practice because so much family history involves survival: finding work, feeding children, building homes, immigrating, saving money, and trying to leave something behind.

This can be an area for both magical work and reflection. What did your family teach you about security? Was money plentiful, scarce, secretive, or a constant source of conflict? Sometimes the answers are as valuable as the petition itself. Pair your spiritual work with practical steps toward the change you are asking for.

Communicating With Your Ancestors

As your practice develops, certain methods of communication may feel more natural than others. Some people pray or meditate. Others reflect on dreams, memories, or intuitive impressions. Divination can also become part of an established ancestral practice.

I have a friend who keeps a rune set specifically for communicating with their ancestors. It isn't used for anything else. Bringing out the runes marks the beginning of that practice, and they make an offering of tobacco because it has meaning within their personal work. Your method and offerings may be different.

You might dedicate a pendulum, tarot deck, oracle deck, or rune set to ancestral work. You can explore our Pendulums & Runes or Tarot, Divination Tools & Accessories collections for a tool that suits your practice.

Divination involves reflection and interpretation. You do not need to treat every dream, card pull, or coincidence as a message. Discernment is part of spiritual practice too.

Let the Relationship Become Personal

Over time, ancestor work can become less about following instructions and more about discovering what is meaningful within your own relationship. A song may remind you of one ancestor; coffee may bring another to mind. You might remember a recipe, write down a family story, or become curious about your genealogy and family customs.

Not everything has to be supernatural to be sacred. Sometimes ancestor work is remembering the names of people who were almost forgotten, cooking their food, or working to change something they couldn't.

And sometimes it is sitting in front of a candle for ten quiet minutes and saying: “I remember you. Thank you for getting me here.”

That alone can be a powerful practice. I hope this has helped you and feel free to leave any comments and pointers from your own practice.