Love Magic vs. Self-Love Work: What Should You Be Doing Right Now?

February has a way of stirring things up.  Even if you’re not the Valentine’s type, this time of year tends to bring love, relationships, longing, and reflection to the surface. I see it every season — people coming in asking about attraction candles, reconciliation work, or something to “make them notice me.”

And the question underneath all of it is usually this:

Should I be doing love magic… or should I be working on myself first?

It’s an honest question. And the answer isn’t always what people expect.

Love magic is powerful. It's one of my favourite types of magical workings. It can amplify attraction, strengthen bonds, reignite passion, and bring movement where things have gone stagnant. Tools like Adam & Eve candles, love & attraction work, or even a simple “Notice Me” candle can absolutely shift energy between two people.

But here’s the part that matters: love magic magnifies what you’re already carrying.

If you’re confident, open, and grounded, that energy gets amplified. If you’re anxious, fearful, or operating from a place of desperation, that gets amplified too.

Magic doesn’t judge — it reflects.

That’s where self-love work comes in. And I want to gently challenge something here: self-love work isn’t passive. It’s not “doing nothing.” It’s not giving up.

It’s alignment.

Self-love work is about strengthening your foundation. It’s clearing emotional residue from past relationships. It’s repairing your confidence. It’s reinforcing boundaries. It’s making sure that when love arrives, you’re strong enough to receive it without losing yourself.

Sometimes that looks like working with soft pink energy for compassion toward yourself. Sometimes it means cleansing old attachments. Sometimes it means doing protection work so you stop absorbing other people’s emotional chaos.

And sometimes — this is important — it means stepping back and asking why you want a specific person so badly.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone. But if your nervous system feels frantic about it, that’s usually a sign that your energy needs stabilizing before you try to pull someone closer.

Now, let’s talk about colour energy for a moment, because this comes up constantly.

Red energy is intense. It’s passion, heat, desire, urgency. It moves fast and it burns bright. Pink energy is softer. It’s affection, harmony, emotional bonding. If someone tells me they want a long-term relationship but they’re reaching for deep red candles every time, I gently ask them to slow down.

What kind of love are you actually trying to build?  Fast isn’t always stable. Intense isn’t always lasting.

The real shift happens when you stop asking, “How do I make them love me?” and start asking, “Am I attracting from wholeness or from fear?”

That one question changes everything.

When you attract from wholeness, love work becomes enhancement. When you attract from fear, it becomes chasing.  And chasing rarely feels good for long.

The most powerful approach I’ve seen — over and over again — is balance. Cleanse first. Clear your energy. Strengthen your confidence. Then, if you still feel aligned with the connection, do your attraction work from a steady place.

Love drawn from strength feels calm. It feels mutual. It feels safe.

And that’s the kind of love worth manifesting.   If you’re unsure what you should be focusing on right now, pause before lighting anything. Sit with your energy. Ask yourself where you’re operating from.

Because the strongest magic doesn’t come from urgency.  It comes from alignment.  And when you align first, the right love doesn’t have to be forced — it finds its way to you. 

Final Thoughts

This season is not just about romance.  It’s about alignment.

Love that feels safe. Love that feels mutual. Love that honours you.

And remember — the strongest attraction begins with the way you see yourself.