5 signs your love spells are unethical

Love magic is a powerful tool that every magical practitioner should have in their arsenal. They can range from the tiniest acts of devotion to grand magical rituals with all the bells and whistles. 

I perform a nightly love ritual by applying my eye cream onto my finger in the symbol of a heart. As I dab my moisturizer around my eyes I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself how much I love me. 

But love is tricky, it can become obsessive. It can send us into thought spirals, cause delusions, cause anxiety, cause jealousy, and cause heart-break. We have the power to convince ourselves that we are in happy relationships and continue ignoring the blatant truth that is right before our eyes. We can convince ourselves that our lives will be complete so long as we find the right person. 

Worst of all love can send us into obsession. Setting off a chemical reaction in our brain that can cause us to perform love magic from a place of desperation. Causing us to ignore our magical ethics. Before performing love magic it is important to access why we are casting the spell, who will it benefit, and will it cause harm to others. 

Here are 5 warning signs that you may be casting your love spell in magically unethical ways.

You want someone without their consent 

One thing we can all agree on as a society is how much being rejected sucks. It is such an unpleasant feeling that we may go out of our way to avoid situations that could end with a rejection. 

If you’re considering doing love spell work on a person before you’ve blatantly expressed your interest to them, stop. First it’s important that you’ve told this person that you are interested in them. I’m not talking about subtle or even big hints but outright verbal communication. 

If this is the case, a better solution might be to cast a general love spell for yourself, or even a confidence boosting spell to help you work up the nerve to share your feelings. 

In my opinion, there is a difference between glamour magic and casting a love spell on a person. If I’m handing out resumes or going to an interview, you better believe that both my resume and my person are enchanted with some glamour magic to make me seem more appealing towards my future boss/workplace. 

Whereas casting a love spell targeted at a specific person is blatant manipulation. I’ve had enough clients come through the store due to nasty love spells they’ve cast to tell you, with confidence, that it never works out well. 

Breaking up an existing relationship 

Let me be the first to tell you, the grass IS NOT always greener on the other side. This is doubly true if you’ve gained a new relationship through magical sabotage. 

Yes is is awful to be pining over someone who is not available. Especially if you are infatuated with them. But using magic to break up an existing relationship is not the answer. The amount of “bad juju” that attracts is never worth it. The backlash from that spell will leave you feeling miserable. Are you willing to pay the price?

Additionally, the manipulated person you’ve formed a new relationship with hasn’t come to your side from their own free will. Chances are it’s going to get toxic. Resentment will form, their eyes could stray, misplaced anger can bubble up. Performing a love spell to break up an existing relationship leaves so much room for toxicity to spread. 

Even if you aren’t interested in any of the people involved in that relationship, don’t do it. Maybe you’re spiteful that they have something you’ve never had. Jealousy is a powerful emotion. Take a step back and evaluate where it’s coming from. 

Instead of spending your finite time and energy into sabotaging someone try a spell that would make your life better.  I promise you, improving your own life will result in a more favourable outcome. 

Using magic to fool yourself

Maybe you’ve performed a spell over and over again and never got the results you were looking for. Maybe you’ve amped up your spell, poured even more of your personal power into it, and yet, it has never worked out for you. 

Instead of doing the same thing over and over again we have to evaluate what we are holding onto that is blocking our results. There could be a contradicting belief there. How do you benefit from your spell not working. 

For instance, I could not attract more money no matter how many spells and how much energy I poured into them. After taking a deep look I recognized that the only way for me to gain more money was either to work more or raise my prices. There was no way I was going to work more because it would take time away from my family and I wasn’t willing to raise my prices because I didn’t feel deserving of them. So nothing changed. 

This equally applies to love magic. I found myself in relationships that mirrored the toxic relationship style I had learned from my parents who had learned it from their parents. I had to reevaluate my internalized beliefs in order to break that cycle. This shadow work was difficult and it took years, but it was all worth it. 

Knowing your attachment style is a helpful tool for relationships. Attachment styles is a concept created by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby. According to Bowlby, The bond you have with your caregivers as a child creates a template or rules for how you build and interpret relationships as an adult. There are  four attachment styles: three insecure and one secure.

The four attachment styles

1. Anxious (also referred to as Preoccupied)
2. Avoidant (also referred to as Dismissive)
3. Disorganized (also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant)
4. Secure

Those with an anxious attachment style deeply fear abandonment. They view their partners as better than themselves, their “better-halves” and therefor their partners are more deserving of love than they are themselves. Those with an anxious attachment style highly value their relationship, but tend to be hypervigilant around threats to its security leading towards anxiety. 

Those who are Hyper-independent often have an avoidant attachment style. Their need to avoid relying on other is often tied to avoiding intimacy or emotional closeness. These individuals have a positive outlook on themselves and a negative view of others. They do not want to depend on others, have others depend on them, or seek support and approval in social bonds.

Individuals with a disorganized attachment style tend to avoid deep emotional connections due to the fear of getting hurt. For adults with disorganized attachment, the partner and the relationship themselves are often the source of both desire and fear. On the one hand, fearful-avoidant people do want intimacy and closeness, but on the other hand, experience troubles trusting and depending on others.

the secure attachment style implies that a person is comfortable expressing emotions openly. Therefore, adults with a secure attachment style can depend on their partners and, in turn, let their partners rely on them. These individuals thrive both. In relationships and on their own. Secure attachments have a positive view of themselves and those around them.

Developing self-awareness and achieving self-growth with the help of a therapist can greatly help you to achieve a secure attachment style. You just need to be willing to do the work and put in the effort. 

Using magic to control or bind someone 

In my experience, control magic or binding magic always comes with a price. I once hot footed an ex and used the bend over conjure oil to have them move out of the building. It was in self-defence, to keep my family safe, but there was some anger and ill intent behind my emotions. They indeed moved out, but I ended up with second degree burns from a soup I spilled onto my foot. The irony of hot footing someone and in turn I burnt my foot was not lost on me. 

When you work this kind of magic it is coming to ask for aid from spirits. But what spirits are going to answer that calling card? They’ll have grey if not black morals, they will attach themselves to you or to others, and they’ll want a BIG price for their services. 

Are you willing to pay that price? 

On the opposite side, try and imagine what that feels like. Signs that you are under a control spell include feeling like a cat in a bag around the person who cast the spell on you, an impulse to anger, feeling agitated, confined. You’ll feel compelled to do things you normally wouldn’t do. Additionally the person who cast the spell on you will randomly pop into your head throughout you day. 

There is a very distinctive sign between needing to energetically cleanse and being under someone else's influence. 

If the person you cast a control or binding spell on does any cord-cutting, uncrossing, reversal or deep cleansing work you’re in for a huge slap back of energy. Be warned.

Using magic from Infatuation  

When I speak about infatuation I am talking about the physical and emotional chemical reaction that happens in your body due to someone else’s chemicals. The desperate need to be around them, the obsession about what they’re doing, if they’re thinking about you, needed to talk to them. Living in a fantasy world where you make up stories and imagine time spent between the two of you. 

I personally hate infatuation. It’s so uncomfortable. I dislike not having agency over my own thoughts. That person takes up way too much mental real estate. I like being able to choose where my thoughts go. 

Fortunately this is only a temporary, but overwhelming reaction. A good rule of thumb, if you have an obsessive desire to gain a persons affection, do not perform a love spell on them. 

Performing love magic under this influence will be cast under a lens of desperation. If you haven’t seen the movie practical magic I suggest you do. Be prepared to deal with an overly clingy, obsessive person who will try to bind you to themselves. 

Ethical Love Magic

Love magic is a powerful tool for personal growth and success when used in the correct context. I use attraction magic all the time to manifest specific intentions into my life. 

Love magic is easily one of the best tools when you’re working on self-growth. You can use it to deepen your relationship with yourself. You can use it to integrate your darker aspects during your shadow work. You can use it to build a thriving relationship with yourself.

Note that if you are in a bad or toxic relationship and you perform love magic in order to build you up and fall in love with yourself, don’t be surprised if it pushes your partner out of your life. 

Love magic is especially powerful when you are fresh out of a relationship. We tend to take on aspects of our ex partners. It’s a powerful tool to rediscover your authentic self and clear away all that which is no longer serving you. 

A rule of thumb for love magic is that it has to be consensual between all parties involved. 

That being said, if you are in a healthy relationship love magic is wonderful to help strengthen and build upon your existing bond. If you are in a rut with your partner and you both want to work on the relationship then I suggest trying out some love magic. 

Love magic is a wonderful tool to have in your arsenal. You can use it on a daily basis by anointing your moisturizer to your face with heart symbols or you can perform big rituals involving baths, herbs and candles like in our love and attraction bath ritual. 

Perform love magic in an ethical way or be any the price. Using love magic to improve your life will bring lasting results as opposed to using love magic to tear someone else’s life apart. Be ethical, be responsible and attract what your heart desires.